Saturday, June 6, 2009

Easy Solutions!

This is f-in brilliant! Not like I'd try this ::shifty eyes::, but yeah, hahah! It'd be interesting to hear how successfully this has been, haha. It's long, but very much so worth it!

Source: Butterflies Feel Included
So, you're in love with one of your friends, but she has a boyfriend and probably wouldn't have sex with you anyway.

What you will need: 1 x knife, 1 x ring, access to a sunbed, the ability to grow a beard.

Step One: Place the ring on your wedding finger and avoid contact with your friend for a month.

Step Two: Stop shaving and use the sunbed to gain a tan.

Step Three: After a month when your beard is full and your tan is noticeable, remove the ring from your finger.

Step Four: Remove all your clothes and break into your friend's house.

Step Five
: Use the knife to cut your body in various places. Avoid the face. If possible, focus on your back. The more blood the better.

Step Six: Enter your friend's bedroom and lie face down on the floor. Wait for her return.

Step Seven: When she enters the room pretend to be unconscious. Allow her to turn you over and try to wake you for a few seconds before you open your eyes. The injuries to your body will serve as a distraction to your nakedness. She will be more concerned about your wellbeing instead of fearing the naked man in her room.

Step Eight: When she asks you what's happened you should ignore her questions. Instead you must act confused and ask the date. If it's September 15th she will say 'September 15th' to which you must reply 'No, what year is it?'

Step Nine: Upon hearing the year say the words 'It worked.' Pretend to lose consciousness again for a few seconds, implying that whatever it is that has worked took a great effort.

Step Ten: If your friend is a curious person she will probably ask 'What worked?', even if she doesn't ask this question it is important that you now say the words '(Insert Friend's Name), I'm from the future' in your most deadpan voice.

Step Eleven: Pause for ten seconds to allow the incrediblness of the situation to sink in. There will be no reason for her to doubt your claim, because your beard will make you appear many years older and your cuts would add weight to the idea that you've come from a post-apocalyptic future where a war is currently taking place.

Step Twelve: Raise your left hand to your face. All women are very observant, so your friend will immediately notice the tanline on your wedding finger. If she is educated to a decent standard she will realise that you are married and your ring has simply disappeared, because clothing and other items cannot travel through time. Your nudity will support this.

Step Thirteen: Now comes the hard part - The monologue. In your own words you must give a speech in which you mention all of these key points:

a) You are married to each other in the future
b) Her current boyfriend is dead
c) The world is coming to an end. It's up to you to pick a reason, but I would recommend a war against machines. This whole situation will be backed up by the Terminator franchise
d) In the future your relationship is not going well
e) You've come back in time because you can't help but feel that she would have been happier with her current boyfriend if he hadn't been killed
f) Her current boyfriend is going to be hit by a bus on a day six months from her present. She should stop him going to work that day
g) If she does exactly what you say this current version of yourself will be erased and you will never get married. If she questions this flaw in your time travel logic, because you cannot change the past, simply reference Back to the Future

Step Fourteen: Unless your friend is made of stone she will now be overcome by emotion, especially at your selflessness. Get to your feet and go to kiss her goodbye. It is important that you do this with the confidence of a man who has done this to her many times.

Step Fifteen: There is now no possible way that you aren't about to have sex with her. You're naked, kissing her, in her bedroom, agreeing to erase a version of yourself from history to make her happy. And as far as she knows you've had sex many times in a future that will no longer happen, so she thinks to herself that maybe she should have one memory of it.

Step Sixteen: After having the sex, ask to borrow some clothes then leave.

Step Seventeen: Shave off your beard and coat your wedding finger in fake tan. Carry on as if nothing has happened. There will be three possible outcomes:

1) During the sex some feelings that she didn't know existed are awakened and she will leave her boyfriend for you.
2) Life will carry on as normal.
3) You will be filled with guilt because of this moral grey area where you aren't entirely sure if what you've done counts as some kind of low level rape. You will take your own life by hanging, overdose or wrist cutting.


Submitted by: Janelle

Friday, June 5, 2009

Joe Jonas Dances to Single Ladies

So I went to the YouTube dictionary of "gay" and this is what I found. Funny? Gay? Interesting? Choose your tag.


Spam Police

This video mixes the two things I love; Lego's and the Internet, hahah. Be sure to check out Keshen8's other Lego videos =)


Im not intoxicated

I know it's fake and from the tv series, Reno 911, but it always cracks me up, haha.


Thursday, June 4, 2009

Man Gets Tazed, Mocks Cops, and Gets Away

I'm in a semi-cop tasering mood. Now, I usually don't side with cops in these types of videos, but this guy was being a complete douche, resisting arrest and just being difficult. If you know you didn't do anything wrong, then just go with it and get justice later by suing the cop department. Funny how this guy leaves his wife in the end as he runs off... Again, what a complete douche.


72-year-old Woman Tasered & Jailed!

Believe it or not, the Cop was not trying to jump-start her heart, haha. But yeah, until the dash-cam of the cop car is released to the public, we'll never know the true story... Was the granny belligerent? Highly doubt it, but part of me wants to think so because that would be pretty cool!


Redneck Import Nights!

A lawnmower does an incredible burnout! And then goes for some doughnuts! Very impressive.


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Future Movies...

So on my way to work today, I was listening to KROQ, naturally, and Kevin, Bean, and Lisa May were talking about classic movies that were being remade for the new generation of viewers. Among these were "Hamlet", again, and believe it or not, but also "Total Recall!" Really?! I wonder who they'll get to play Arnold, because seriously, you can't have a "Total Recall" movie without the Governator!

After the remakes, they started talking about new movies / possible movies that will be coming out within the next couple years. The two that stuck out to me were, get this, a "Where's Waldo" movie and a "Stretch Armstrong" movie. Are you serious?! What will it entail? Once you find Waldo do you just leave the theater??? Lame. What about Stretch? Will it be filled with kids grabbing some dude and pulling on his arms and legs? There's already a movie that's semi-Stretch Armstrong and that's called "Fantastic 4" with Mr. Fantastic... We'll just have to see how this plays out, eh? I'll say this now. My expectations are crazy low for these movies...

Rainbow Kids Show

Dug from the archives. I wonder how this got passed as a kids show, haha. Gotta' love the 70's!


Amazing Motorbike Save

The biker, Raffaele De Rosa, makes an amazing recovery as he drifts off the track. Pretty wicked, in my opinion!


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Fake Bombs

I so want to do this! But then again, me being of Middle Eastern descent might not be that smart of an idea... Oh well! It's kickass! Hahahha!

Rock Score Demo - Water Shrew Fight Video

From the archives. This is a hilarious "documentary" of two Water Shrews fighting for the love of their life. Who will win? I think the female gets the better end of the stick ;) hahah.


HAHAHAH!



And that right there is pure CLASSIC!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Don't Try This at Home...

...but feel free to try this at the gym! This guy is seriously my hero! I want to be able to do squats on an exercise ball!


Cat Bath War

Aww, look at Binx all nice and clean, hahah! Jerry, I know you do this!


Girl sabotages street performer

What a *****! Probably one of Spidey's ex-gf's. She wasn't getting enough upside-down kisses or whatever so she had to call upon the wild; *insert random bird call here*


Sunday, May 31, 2009

Keyboard Cat: True Internet Story

For those who have seen the Keyboard Cat videos, here's the story of the ups and downs of his fame. Not only a true internet story, but also Hollywood! The production group, TotallySketch, did a fantastic job in creating this "documentary." Be sure to check out their website! Anywhoo, enjoy!

Note: People who have seen and understand the hilarity of Keyboard Cat will enjoy this. Everybody else, probably not.


Notebook

This Dutch artist, Evelien Lohbeck, distorts reality with her artwork. Pretty neat stuff. Be sure to check out her other videos on YouTube and her website! Good find, Kris!




Submitted by: Kris

Monster Smart Car

This is what I'm talking about! Finally, a Smart Car that doesn't look like a death trap. I'd so drive this around town. Y'know what else is funny about this? It still probably gets better gas mileage than most cars, hahah.